So, while I realize that very few people still read this, I am coming here anyway.  And I am doing this for a very specific reason.  No one reads this.  And if they do, I don't really care.

I'm loving this semester, overall.  Yes, the coursework will probably kill me...HOWEVER, I'm learning a LOT about everything.  I'm learning more about myself than I ever thought possible.  And I'm also getting scared out of my mind.  A LOT...more on that in a second.

My plan was to take Opera Chorus this semester, as it is required for my major.  That being said, the new opera lady decided she wanted a chorus of 20 people...there were significantly more than that enrolled in the class.  She doesn't tell us this until a week after the auditions, and she didn't even say it herself.  Dr. Board (choral studies guy) tells us.  Well, those of us that did not get selected as part of the chorus.  So I'm supposed to do tech...which would be fine, in theory, if I was to take the class for the technical experience.  The thing is, as music educators, we need the ON STAGE experience moreso than anything else, right?  Right.  That having been said, I'm not taking Opera Chorus anymore.  I'll enroll next semester, and next fall, and stick with it no matter what...but...not this semester.  Not with everything else that I have going on, and not with the way things are for me at school.  I don't need that stress.

Back to me being scared...there are days that I think I'm not cut out to be a music teacher.  Or any sort of conductor, for that matter.  I think of certain time signatures and rehearsal things, and I freak out.  Do I have the capabilty to learn every voice part in a piece so that when the altos sing an F instead of an F#, I call them on it?  Shoot, I'm having trouble tuning a viola!!!  Do I have the patience to rehearse parts over and over again?  I mean, we all know what kind of patience I have with the kids at church...if it wasn't for the fact that teaching music is my dream, I think I would have changed majors by now.  That and the fact that I want a freakin diploma in the near future!

The aforementioned things, however, are just tiny blips on the radar of my semester.  The things I have to do are overwhelming, BUT I have great friends in my classes, I'm bonding with people I would never have bonded with before and I'm being opened up to new things.  And while I still miss things that happened last semester, I've found ways to do without them.  For example, today in conducting ( I dressed up because I had a presentation), I noticed that my legs are the creepiest shade of white EVER.  Like, folks, I'm pale!  And she was...a seat away from me.  All I wanted to do was lean over and make some snide comment about said shade of white to her...to calm my nerves.  I held back, because...of a lot of things.  The silliest part, folks...I don't want to mess up in front of her.  My fear is that she'll find some way to exploit my mistake and go hog wild with it.  And I don't need that.  Back to the point...Casey is in almost ALL of my classes this semester.  I see him PRETTY much everyday, for at least 3 hours, if not more...Tuesday...ALL DAY!  Which is NOT a bad thing...I learn more about him everyday.  And since he's in conducting...he's kind of my "go-to" guy for a pick me up.

For those that still read this, I thank you.  And if something in here doesn't make sense to you, I apologize.  Feel free to ask questions.  I apologize, also, for the length.  I should have put that at the beginning: "this is a long one, people!" but then you wouldn't have read it.  And you prollly stopped reading awhile ago.  For those that made it this far...I'll buy you coffee!